AAA THIS IS AMAZING MY HEART IS IN A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR. Greeeeeeeeen aaaaaa I'm sorry Red is such a tease aaaaa
Concrit- No one to even peak through the blinds and see the rooftops bounce back a pearly off-white in the sunlight. "peek"?
Last section, first sentence--try "Red comes back" instead of "Red comes back to him" and see if it makes it any easier; "to him" is unnecessary and clashes with the stark tone you're using for this fic.
"His childhood memories of Pallet are always tinted with pastel dreams" is a teeny bit purple; you might try "tinted with [the] pastel, warm colors of a southern Kanto town" but, like all other concrits, this is entirely your call. Really, this entire sentence is very long; you might consider breaking it up into a few smaller ones. Perhaps "Recollections of crimson..." should start a new sentence?
(also imo the ending gets a little kitschy but) Okay enough with the nagging. LET ME KEEP TELLING YOU HOW AMAZING THIS FIC IS
YOU KNOW HOW AMAZING IT IS?
IT'S AMAZING
No seriously, I LOVE the way you show and don't tell here—you never need to tell us that Green's suffering; his actions broadcast that for us, and as a result it keeps him very in-character, "playing his cards close to his chest" as you said in a comment to ibu (I am not a creeper I swear). My heart broke like TEN TIMES while reading this fic, omg I love you and this pairing and THIS FIC so hard.
no subject
ASE;RLKAJ;RKLJAS;DKLJ
AS;ELKRJ
HOW DID I MISS THIS
AAA THIS IS AMAZING MY HEART IS IN A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR. Greeeeeeeeen aaaaaa I'm sorry Red is such a tease aaaaa
Concrit-
No one to even peak through the blinds and see the rooftops bounce back a pearly off-white in the sunlight. "peek"?
Last section, first sentence--try "Red comes back" instead of "Red comes back to him" and see if it makes it any easier; "to him" is unnecessary and clashes with the stark tone you're using for this fic.
"His childhood memories of Pallet are always tinted with pastel dreams" is a teeny bit purple; you might try "tinted with [the] pastel, warm colors of a southern Kanto town" but, like all other concrits, this is entirely your call. Really, this entire sentence is very long; you might consider breaking it up into a few smaller ones. Perhaps "Recollections of crimson..." should start a new sentence?
(also imo the ending gets a little kitschy but) Okay enough with the nagging. LET ME KEEP TELLING YOU HOW AMAZING THIS FIC IS
YOU KNOW HOW AMAZING IT IS?
IT'S AMAZING
No seriously, I LOVE the way you show and don't tell here—you never need to tell us that Green's suffering; his actions broadcast that for us, and as a result it keeps him very in-character, "playing his cards close to his chest" as you said in a comment to ibu (I am not a creeper I swear). My heart broke like TEN TIMES while reading this fic, omg I love you and this pairing and THIS FIC so hard.
;aldskfj;aklsreajrasra;fk ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥