http://ibuberu.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] ibuberu.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] southofreality 2010-07-08 09:19 am (UTC)

Ah! I see that cute short poem thar! You know mandarin? 8D '爱不会感冒' sounds especially poetic because it makes so much sense in relation to the fic and the cold and fffff I sort of incredibly fail with chinese metaphors in comparison!

As for the fic itself, I loved the symbolism of the scarf and the descriptions you used to show how much Green's gesture means to Red! It was romantic, and a very nice depiction of Red's thoughts. Especially how the clothes all serve as a compensation for Green's absence... arghh, so romantic and sad. The ghost part was funny, but I think if you separate the sentence '"Oh. My. God. Are you actually a ghost?" he says a bit hysterically.' into its own paragraph, Green's words will be that bit more impactful and funny C: Just a small suggestion though!

He doesn't even sound upset anymore, says it out of habit as blandly as if he were commenting on the weather. - it feels like there is a word missing after the comma, so maybe 'and says it out of habit' would make the sentence flow better?

Cute short fic! :D

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