speaking a dead language (Green/Red + various, 2/3)

[koyuki]

Title: speaking a dead language
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~3300 this chapter
Genre: Angst/Supernatural
Series: Pokémon
Characters/Pairings: Green/Red, implied Ethan/Silver(/Lyra), Leaf, various others
Warnings: language, violence, additional warnings under the cut.
Summary: Sometimes, there are people you just can’t live without. For Green, Red is that person.
A/N: The last part of this is actually not finished yet, and it might take a while since I have three tests next week. Don't worry though, I promise I'll get it out before the end of the month. Thanks to rykea for being amazing as usual. ♥


Additional Warnings: highlight for plot-sensitive details. homophobia, language, violence, implied sexual situations, character death


one | two | three

and somewhere in all the talking
the meaning faded out
- "speaking a dead language"

speaking a dead language


(14)

Between Ethan's training sessions, Green still has a gym to run and challengers to fight, so it's no surprise that he's been passing out almost immediately when he hits his bed.

A week into Ethan's training, Green stumbles home sometime after 3 AM, irritated because this has been happening for the last seven days and he still has unfinished paperwork that was supposed to have been done by yesterday and needs to be up in less than four hours.

It's after he collapses on his bed, not even bothering to pull the covers over himself, that he see Red poke his head in through his window.

Red, he thinks. He's happy for all of five seconds before his brain supplies, Of course that bastard would show up now of all times, for the first time in years. Still, even though he's a little annoyed, Green has missed his boyfriend. He's too tired to move though, and can barely even make vague motions with his arm for Red to come closer.

"Red," he manages to moan.

Red steps into their apartment with grace and glides over the floor towards his bed. (Their bed, Green reminds himself, even though Red hasn't slept on it for years.)

"Red," Green says. He attempts to grab onto Red's jacket when he's within arm's reach, but it slips right through Green's grasp.

Red fumbles with the covers and manages to tug them out from beneath Green and pull them over him.

"Red," Green tries again, even though he's already half asleep, because Red's here - here again, finally - and there are so many things that need to be said.

Red puts his index finger over Green's mouth to hush him, and slides under the cover onto Green's (their) bed. Green manages to turn slightly so he can face Red, but Red covers Green's eyes with his hand, his touch cool and airy but achingly familiar.

This too, Green thinks, is okay for now.



Except Red isn't there when he wakes up in the morning, two and a half hours after his alarm should have gone off. He mumbles a string of curses under his breath as he scrambles through the apartment, pulling on his pants and shoving a slice of toast in his mouth in his hurry to get ready.

It's unfair, he thinks, that Red would be the one who'd make him late when it always used to be Red's job to make sure he got to work on time. More than that, he's annoyed that Red would just leave after bothering to show up for the first time in so long, and plans a series of snappy insults for when (if) Red comes back.

Still, despite all this, Green can't help but be a little happy because - Red. Green has no proof other than his waking under the covers instead of on top of them and a faint smell of cinnamon on his pillow that hasn't been there in years, but that's all he needs. For now.

It isn't until noon that Green realizes he lives on the third floor.


*

(3)

Mt. Silver, Green remembers, was always Red's idea.

"Hey," Red says, clearing his throat for good measure when Green doesn't turn his way after a few seconds.

"What? Sorry." Green looks up sheepishly from his paperwork.

"It's been a year," Red says.

Green has to pause to consider what he's talking about. Their one-year anniversary had been a few months ago (which Red almost forgot), and he couldn't remember any other dates either of them would deem as important.

"One year since what?"

"Since that."

Oh. That. The event that would not be named.

Before Green can ask why Red is bringing it up, Red says, "We should - go somewhere. Celebrate."

Green stares at him.

Red blinks. "What?"

"You barely even remember our anniversary, and yet you can remember the date for that? And you want to celebrate it?" Green asks.

Red walks over to his chair and drapes himself over Green, tugging the paper out of his hand. "We've survived the worst, right? That deserves some sort of celebration."

Survived the worst. Green hopes there's some truth to that.



It's a bit of an unusual choice of a destination, but since it's Red, perhaps that was a given.

"It'll be fun," Red says even though Green's idea of fun did not involve hiking up mountains that were perpetually caught in snow storms and continuously fighting off wild Pokemon while doing so.

"It's secluded," Red tells him, and that's reason enough. No prying eyes, no scathing glares that they have to deal with every day. "There's a bed and breakfast. We can watch the sunrise from the top." He shoves a handful of brochures about Mt. Silver in Green's face that detailed the scenic routes (what scenic routes? Green's pretty sure they all look the same through the snow), the wild Pokemon (seen those, caught that), and the tourism industry (there was a tourism industry? Who'd want to vacation there? Besides Red).

Still, Red's said more about Mt. Silver to Green than he has said at all in the last week, so for some reason Green can't understand, he must really want to go. Green has a soft spot for Red, and maybe in some small, tiny way, he might be convinced that this, them, the persecution, is his fault, and even though it doesn't sound like his idea of fun, he agrees.

Something like a ghost of a smile flitters across Red's face when he finally gives in, and before it even really registers in Green's mind, Red's tugged him out of his chair for a kiss and is pulling him towards their bed.

Oh. Green thinks between kisses. Mt. Silver really is great.



"I had a few Rocket grunts show up at the gym today," he says to Red over dinner. "Tried to get into the gym." Green sighs. "I thought you took care of them, and they were gone?"

Red hums and runs his fingers over Green's knuckles. "Vacation will be good for you."

Green wants to roll his eyes because it's Mt. Silver, and he's not sure how freezing his ass off would be good for him. Still, when he sees Red's smile, he thinks that it might all be worth it.



But then, Red disappears.



No one wants to tell him anything. They were supposed to leave for Mt. Silver in a week, but now Red's gone, and no one wants to talk to Green at all. They'd made plans and packed their bags and arrange vacation dates, and Green had wondered if he was crazy for going through this much trouble for Mt. Silver.

But now Green has an armful of vacation brochures for a place he doesn't want to see, a suitcase of clothes with nowhere to go, and a week of vacation with nothing to do.

Afterwards, long after unpacking his clothes - their clothes - and putting them back into the closet and sitting around his apartment for a week doing nothing but paperwork, he forgets about Mt. Silver. Still, sometimes he finds the brochures lying around to remind him of the terrible vacation that never was.

Green never throws them away.


*

(15)

It's raining the next time Ethan shows up at his gym. Green has never been a big fan of cliché, but even he feels a bit sorry for Ethan when Green sees tears running down his face with the rain. He waits for Ethan to say something, but the boy is unusually silent and just stands in front of his gym door. After a moment, Green sighs and pulls Ethan in, muttering something about the gym not being a Pokemon Center or a charity.

He's toweling Ethan's hair dry when Ethan finally cracks.

"He said no," Ethan says. Green stops, feeling a surge of numbness rush through his arms, and puts the towel down. "He said - he said he felt the same, but." Ethan takes a shaky breath and wipes the tears off with his arm. "But he's afraid. For me. Because of his father. He doesn't think I could protect myself."

When Ethan's downcast eyes turn up to look at him, the determination in his eyes is burning so brightly that, for a moment, Green almost thinks they're tainted red.

"Help me," Ethan pleads. "I want to be strong. Not just for me or him or us. For Lyra. For anyone who needs me to be. I need you to teach me."

Green looks away, answer choked in his throat. He couldn't because it wasn't him, hadn't ever been him. That had always been Red's job.

"I don't know how."


*

(9)

They're not supposed to be here. Green's not really supposed to be here right now either though Lance has taken pity on him and let him tag along which is why he is, but they're definitely not supposed to be here.

"Stay with me and don't do anything stupid," Lance had warned him when he agreed to let Green come.

But now, seeing those Rocket grunts walking around... when Red was -

A flash of hot red and white runs across his vision and Green jolts towards them. "What do think you're doing?" he hisses, and can feel Lance trying to grab at his arm to pull him back, Green, don't - at his lips.

But even Lance can't stop Eevee - who's already at Green's feet, her dark eyes staring down her opponents with nothing but uncontained rage. Maybe it's not their fault, but Green's never been angrier in his life, not even at his grandfather.

And someone needs to pay for this.



When he finally beats the last grunt, Green makes sure to kick him while he's still down. Hard. Multiple times, for good measure.

"Green - Green." Lance grabs his arm and tries to pull him back. "That's enough. You don't have jurisdiction here. The Elite Four - the police, we'll take over from here."

"What the fuck do you mean I don't have jurisdiction?" Green hisses through his teeth. "Fuck you. In case you forgot, I used to be the champion too." He leaves I could still beat you now hanging in the air between them. Green knows all too well the power of words, but he doesn't feel even a bit sorry when he sees Lance flinch. "This is my gym. And Red was my -"

Green can't bring himself to finish his sentence.

Lance's expression deflates, and Green turns to avoid looking him in the eye so he doesn't have to see the pity he knows is there. To Lance's credit though, he doesn't let go of Green's arm. Green lets out a huff.

"Yeah, whatever, I get it," Green mutters, and pulls his arm out of Lance's grasp. Lance looks worried, but Green just waves him off. "Don't worry about me, I'm a big boy," he says and walks off in the direction of Viridian Forest.

He feels much better later when he's finally calmed down. But then, Green realizes that he can't even remember why he was so angry in the first place.


*

(17)

Green lets Ethan stay in his gym for the night and even offers to stay with him because he honestly doesn't have anything more to offer.

"I'm sorry," Ethan says, even though it's probably Green who should be apologizing. "I've been a burden. How can I expect other people to rely on me if I can't even rely on myself?"

Green shrugs. "No man is an island."

Ethan smiles at him weakly. "Thanks. But this is the last time I'll bother you. You can go home - you don't have to stay with me. Sorry. I've kept you here long enough."

Green is tired and wants to leave, but he doesn't know how to explain that his apartment hasn't felt like (or been) home in years.



It's still raining when Green leaves the gym. He doesn't bother to go back inside to grab an umbrella because it's late enough already, and somehow, he can't really find it in himself to care.

His shoes squeak against the stairs as he walks up the three flights to his apartment. The dim light in the hallway flickers as Green fumbles with his keys, the cool metal tingling and icy in his hands after having been drenched in the rain. He doesn't bother turning on the light when he gets inside, toeing off his shoes and quietly navigating through the maze of his apartment in the dark towards his bed. Green casts a glance towards his windows just as he's about to collapse into bed, wet clothes and all, but what he sees makes him stop dead in his tracks.

A pair of haunting red eyes is staring back in his direction, directly at him.

"Red," Green whispers, and it almost sounds loud against the silence of the room.

Red pushes off the window frame he'd been leaning against and takes one step, two, three towards Green, gliding across the span of the room.

Green desperately tries to remember any of the snappy remarks he'd planned for this, or, failing at that, he would even settle for anger or annoyance - anything - at Red, for having been gone so long.

Instead, his heart is racing at a million miles per hour, tight and constricted and at the hollow of his throat.

"Red, I -" I missed you.

Red doesn't say anything, looks up at him once before tugging at Green's jacket, pants, shirt, clothes, and Green's helping him do the same. Red isn't wet, but he's cold, even colder than Green, who had been in the rain, and the sensation of his cool fingers especially burn against Green's warming skin.

Soon, they're tumbling back into the bed, one after another, choked breaths and moans, and all Green can see through the night are dark hair, red eyes, and ecstasy.


*

(16)

Bravado and arrogance aside, Green doesn't think of his own story as particularly special. Sure, not everyone was related to a world-famous Pokemon professor, nor, perhaps, were they dumped on that professor after an untimely accident.

But then again, broken homes are nothing new or uncommon. Maybe it was unfair that Green wasn't doted on like the sister who looked like his mother and was rather scorned like the bastard father who took her away - all because of his eyes, but whoever said life was fair?

Still, even though Green doesn't like his grandfather, doesn't owe him a damn thing, he's at least grateful to have been raised instead of shunted out the door. And Eevee, the light of his life, who his grandfather had hesitantly given up if only because it got Green to leave - even Green has to thank him for that.

Then there was Red, the only thing Green had ever wanted - the only thing he'd ever had and lost, and well, even that wasn't so rare. After all, love is a suffering everyone goes through. At first, Green is stupid and young and completely in love like that would change the world or mean something.

But then Red is gone, and no one wants to let him know why Red is gone and avoids his eyes when he asks. Still, Green thinks it's better than to have never had Red in the first place. After all, Green is still stupid and young and in love, and he doesn't know how not to be.

Green may be stupid and young, but he's not naive so he doesn't martyr himself over it.

Those things, after all, are only common tragedies.


*

(18)

"You look like hell," Leaf comments when she arrives four days after Green's seen Red. Green shrugs noncommittally. Leaf pauses. "You seem really happy, though."

"Really?" Green hums, hands going for the dark circles he knows are under his eyes but almost smiling despite himself.

"Something good happen?" Leaf asks tentatively. "I haven't seen you this happy since..." She leaves the words hanging in the air, but Green has trouble following what she means.

"Since what?"

Leaf avoids looking at him. "Anyway, I'm glad you're in a good mood for once, but you still need to take care of yourself. I think I got a call from every single trainer at your gym in the last three days. You're freaking all of them out."

Green shrugs and stuffs his hands in his pockets.

"So what's been keeping you up? Somebody you should be telling me about? I hear there's a new boy hanging around the gym..."

Green scoffs and rolls his eyes. "First of all, he's a dumbass kid who wanted me to train him. Second, he already has someone he likes. Who isn't me. Third, even if I did, I wouldn't be telling you." He smirks and pokes her in the shoulder. Leaf is one of the few people Green can trust, who'd supported them from the beginning, but he doesn't want to tell her just yet. He wants Red to remain his secret just a little longer.

Leaf pouts and punches him playfully before dragging him to the diner they always go to when she's in town, and tells him all about her new beau.

After they finally settle in their seats and the waitress takes their orders, Leaf becomes unusually quiet and serious, and that's when Green knows he should start to worry.

"Your grandfather," Leaf starts slowly and cautiously, "is worried about you. You should call him sometime."

"Yeah?" Green rearranges his silverware and begins picking at his napkin. "Who'd have thought?"

Leaf sighs. "He's already apologized."

"About Red. He has other things he should be sorry for."

"Green, you can't keep pushing people away. I was joking earlier about the new boyfriend thing, but you have to move on. You can't be hung up over this forever. You should move out, get a new apartment, and then... Even you need som-"

"I have you."

Leaf flinches back at his words, almost guiltily, as if she blamed herself for not being around.

"Leaf, don't - I mean, I'm fine. I don't expect you to take care of me. And I know you're there if I need you. I'm fine."

They sit in uncomfortable silence until the waitress brings their orders.

"Sorry," Leaf says and looks longingly at Green's fries, as if he would keep them from her. Green sighs and pushes the plate to her side of the table.

"Seriously, why haven't you been sleeping? I'm surprised you're not toppling over. Do you have bad nightmares or something?"

"I don't dream," Green mumbles, and Leaf is quiet.

"You're too young not to have any dreams," Leaf finally says, and it takes a moment for Green to register what she means.

"Leaf," he says pointedly, and Leaf bites her lip, knowing that she's treading on thin ice.

Green sighs. "Look, I'm sorry. But -" He can't help the smile that flits across his face. Sure, he feels like hell because he'd stayed up every night waiting, just in case Red came around. Even if Red had disappeared again that morning, it's okay now because Green knows Red is back.

"Green?"

Green can tell her because she was the first person they'd told, was one of the only people they'd told, and he can trust her with this as well.

"I - Red is back, Leaf!" he says, astonished by the truth in his own words. "Red came back."

He waits a moment for her shock to fade. What replaces it, though, isn't joy or excitement, but sorrow pooling in the bottom of Leaf's eyes.

"Green," Leaf whispers after a long moment, "Red is dead."


part three

Comments

[flavouredice.livejournal.com]

Are you alright, bb? I saw that shit storm on the last page and now your journal's been purged... I'm so sorry about all this shit; some people just don't know how to censor themselves. Gah.

I really actually love this, especially the plot. I've read both chapter and am amazed by the psycoanalyze you have going on. The depth of your works continue to astound me.
As for the plot? No, it's not played out actually. I don't know where people are looking but I haven't found a lot of dead!Red fics. It's depressing, but this actually inspired one of my newer pieces, with how you do the flash backs and Leaf reveilling what had happened at the end. I also love how real it is. Red and Green were so high profile; I'm not too sure about Japan, but they'd probably have to quite their jobs when this leaked. And I've always thought Oak was a bit distant. I blamed it on the age of the game, but it works here. Especially for that generation gap and the differing morals.
Overall, an interesting read. It's hard to find a good originalshipping, and even though Red is dead, I love this. The writing confused me at times, but it wasn't anything I couldn't get over. :D
(I hope you're alright, bb. Don't take what they say to heart, roll with the punches. Those you mind don't matter. I've run out of quotes, but just... be strong. You're a great person, a great writer. Don't listen to the slurs. /sends as much love as she can/ /LOVE/)

[koyuki]

I'm fine! Sorry for making you worry - I just have a lot of RL stuff going on. I was going to drop a comment, actually, but I wasn't sure if you could comment with deleted journals. Someone convinced me out of it too because I was told it might be creepy. XD

I'm glad you found it inspirational! Maybe we'll get to see your story soon?

Yeah, I realized it was kind of confusing afterward. Y_Y I have this bad habit of making assumptions about what my readings will assume and leave a lot of things out, so maybe it was good someone called me out on that.

Don't worry too much about me~ I'm a big girl, but sometimes I let RL seep into stuff. Thanks for the lovely review and the inspiring words! I hope you like the last part. ^_^

Seconding previous comment

[bukobucket.livejournal.com]

I've been lurking your Originalshipping for the past few days now and I'd like you to know how thoroughly disgusted I am with the anons who completely tore apart your writing with unprecedented evidence and absolute idiocy.

This is actually comparable to some of the well-known fanfiction I've seen around. It has a wonderful, angsty plot line, it's characterization and interpretation is spot-on, and overall, it has a style I will never forget. I actually loved the confusion you put into this, it was strong willed and easy to connect with. The way Green was reacting sounded so real. Usually death!fics are like "BAW THEY'RE DEAD AND WE ALL GO CRY NOW", but hell you really developed Green during the process of the first two parts. Even though it was obvious Red was dead, the readers still wanted that ending. And it was perfectly placed. It seemed like Green didn't know at all, and if those dumbass anons actually took the time to connect with the interpretation, they would have probably understood that you added that element to provide how shocked Green must have become.

I was seriously looking forward to the third part and now I'm upset I may not get it. For whatever reason you're gone, I'm sorry. But I've been on a rampage against the people who criticized your work for a while. There are enough bad Pokemon fanfiction for them to rag on. This one is one of the actually interesting and intriguing ones that, sure has a few grammatical mistakes (but who doesn't have those, really), but at the same times holds that texture and emotion that no one else would be able to portray. A lot of us are with you. I'm actually speaking for myself and about three other friends who've lurked your story for a while now. I know strength doesn't come in numbers, but strength may come in belief. And I truly believe that the evidence you presented in the other post clearly discredited the uncouth anons who sound extremely similar and extremely trolly.

I hope it doesn't get to you. ): Come back soon?

P.S. This doesn't even explain half of my rage and proof that you're awesome. But this will suffice and I'll tell you more later perhaps.

[koyuki]

;___; OMG this comment. I don't even know what to do with it. *paws at you*

I'm sorry I scared you. There was never any plan to not finish this, but I had a lot to deal with IRL in recently, and I just needed to get off LJ for a while.

Anons annoy me for the same reason - I honestly take people's opinions more seriously when I don't think they're being cowardly, and it's not like I can do anything to you through the internet. =_= I mean, they did raise some reasonable points, and I hope it made the last chapter of the fic better because of it, but I'd rather sit down and have a nice, reasonable conversation than have insults and rude comments flung around from both sides. :\

Thank you for this lovely comment! I hope the last chapter lives up to your expectations!

[cassidy-b.livejournal.com]

I initially wasn’t planning to comment at all, because I feel ill-at-ease finding the accurate words in English. I have been reading your works for months, but the end of my lurking-around took place some days/weeks ago, thanks to this one, which also made me take the decision to review (although I was waiting for the last part to do so). I just feel so stupid thinking that I’m probably not the only one not reviewing you because of incoherent excuses. So, erm. I find this a little tough formulating a coherent description of how I feel about this one, especially in another language, but I will deal with it because you’re awesome/your writing is awesome, and because your stricken username leaves me heartbroken and with the impression that I should have take a little time to comment this before. After all, I wanted to do it. And I still want.

I love how everything is melted down, and at the same time, appears so clearly through Green’s point of view. How Green seems to trap himself in this wrapped reality. How “past” or “present” events are simultaneous but different because of the unexplained disappearance. How it is tender yet cruel. How everything is darker and edgier just with your interpretation of the canonical facts (which are opened to it, and are far from contradicting it). It all just feels like snow. Everything seems so fragile…
And Green’s fatalism, the “ohsostrong” attitude that doesn’t correspond at all with (what should be) the objective facts, broke my heart (plus Gold, oh, Gold). At the beginning of the text, I was really surprised for not having noticed the description of Leaf’s clothes during my first reading, as if the colour didn’t have any meaning at all, as if, in a way, I too was denying the obvious or choosing not to see what is really painful.

I’m listening to the “Speaking a dead language” song over and over again and I am in an irrepressible need of angst since I read the first part. And thanks to this text, I found other victims to drag in the love of originalshipping and happily worship it. So, really, thank you, because you are a master when it comes to spread the love (even if it includes tearing out our heart in the process).

Your texts give the others the need to write, so keep up the good work, I beg you. I fear the third part, but I equally want to read it some day.

[koyuki]

Aw! I'm glad you like this story enough to review. Thank you so much for doing so, even though I know that language barriers are hard. ;_; I would never have that much courage!

Sorry I scared you, but I never had any intention not to finish this story! It took a little longer than I expected because of the stuff I had going on in real life. :\

I'm glad you're enjoying this and that you found even more people to convert to Green/Red love! I always love when communities grow larger because more and more people find out about how awesome it is. I hope you enjoy the last part as well!

[chalp.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry my review is not as long as the others. I suck at giving detailed reviews ^^;; But I just wanna let you know I love all your fics and it's really sad to see you go T_T
However, I will still support you no matter what decision you make. Thanks for writing so many awesome Red/Green fics!

[koyuki]

Aw! Thanks for taking the time out to write one, and all reviews are loved and appreciated except when people are trying to cause drama, no matter the length. I wasn't going to leave forever, I just had to get my life back together. s-sob

Thanks for reviewing! Hope you enjoy the last part!

[xxkraitxx.livejournal.com]

I see your page is back up.

YOU HAD ME SOBBING, I THOUGHT YOU LEFT FOR GOOD!

donteverscaremelikethat

Bleh, I read what happened n the last page. Silly trolls, they have nothing better to do.

buuut, anyways, on to the review.

I loved it. but you already know that. Seriously, I love how you can write any type of emotion without having to abuse the dictionary. That's what I really admire about you and I what I -someday- hope to achieve.

[koyuki]

Oh no! I'm sorry. >_< I had to like, get my life back together. It was awful, and I knew LJ would distract me, so I was trying to prevent myself from sabotaging myself ahead of time. ;____;

Ahaha, you think too highly of me. I'm hardly that good. I think you're a fantastic writer!

Thanks for the review, and I hope you still enjoy the last part!

[fishcopyright.livejournal.com]

if you're not over it, stand unwavered, as it is not your fault that some readers are below adequate intelligence and fail to use higher thinking to comprehend fragmented stories with rich, complex emotions. the criticism you received is terribad. they did not even bother to consider the longstanding view of homosexuality in east asia, or realize that most stories are in actuality written in past tense.

if you're over it, consider this a generous puff of air to your confidence. let it inflate, but not so much as to pop.

[koyuki]

Aaah, thank you so much for the kind words. ;_; It would be a lie to say it didn't bother me, but it was more the underhandedness and intention to cause drama more than anyhthing else.

My deleting my journal had nothing to do with it though. Q_Q It was mostly because my life was a mess and I needed to get my crap together.

Thanks for the lovely review, and I hope you enjoy the last chapter!